Unexpected camera upgrade

I took some dead batteries, cables, and old power supplies to drop off in the electrical recycling bin at our local supermarket. As I was putting stuff in, I spotted that there was a camera in the bin; a Nikon D3000 SLR body, in apparently good mechanical condition. I nabbed it and took it home.

A Nikon D3000 camera body

This camera can’t be powered by USB (what’s more, Mini-USB, yuk). I needed to get hold of a battery, so I ordered one. While that was on its way, I spotted an identical camera body for sale on a local small ads site, advertised as hors service (broken) due to having been dropped and its lens smashed off, for the princely sum of €20, including a battery and charger. I figured that it was likely to be a cheaper source of spare parts than trying to buy them individually, so I bought it. When it arrived it was clear that the lens had indeed been smashed off, however, what was left was the body with the remains of the lens attached. That is, when it was dropped, it had smashed the lens but not the body. All I needed to do was press the lens release button, remove the stub of a lens that remained, and I had a perfectly good camera body. Bonus!

Now that I also had a battery, and a good camera body to compare with, I realised that the first camera’s mirror was stuck in the up position. I could pull it down, but it just popped back up again. Pressing the shutter button showed an error message. A bit of searching led me to a guide on ifixit addressing this exact error. So I removed the bottom plate, freed up the shutter motor cog, added a tiny drop of oil, and voila, another working camera body!

So then I had two camera bodies and no lens. The D3000 is quite old, launched in 2009, and featuring a 10 megapixel APS-C sensor. It’s compatible with Nikon DX lenses (which have a crop factor relative to full-frame cameras) which are readily available second-hand. I’d not really thought about buying a camera for a while (I was into it while a student; I even had a darkroom in my cellar), but the main thing I’ve had photo problems with is taking decent pictures of the amazing mountains around where I live. Phone cameras are usually very wide angle, and zooming in just descends into blurry mush. I didn’t really have a good idea of how long a lens I might want, but I’d read that the stock 18-55mm lens sold with this camera was not much good, so I thought I’d look for something a little longer. I found a nice-looking Sigma 17-70 f2.8-4.5 zoom with a DX mount – this is a relatively fast lens for its size and price at €70.

A Sigma 17-70 zoom lens

Unfortunately I didn’t quite do my homework, and discovered the hard way that this lens will not autofocus on a D3000 because it lacks a built-in “HSM” autofocus motor, and the low-end D3000 doesn’t have an in-body AF motor to drive it. Using AF lenses in manual mode is fairly hopeless because the viewfinder view is not big enough to judge focus well, there’s no split prism, and the manual focus ring is quite coarse. So I needed to find a different lens. I put this lens and one of the bodies up for sale.

What this lens had showed me was that 70mm is nowhere near enough for taking pictures of mountains. In fact zoomed in fully, it was almost identical to the magnification of my own eyes, as I recall being the case with uncropped 50mm lenses on film cameras. In looking around for another lens I found someone selling a pair – an original Nikon 18-55 kit lens (as a bonus, the version with vibration reduction), and a Sigma 70–300mm zoom with an autofocus motor. Both lenses for €130. That’s a good deal in its own right, but this was actually a bigger bundle including a Nikon D5000 body, battery, charger, filters, and a nice camera bag. The D5000 is the same age, but a fair bit better than the D3000, adding higher performance, higher resolution, an articulated screen, and rudimentary video support. I suspect this had not sold because the ad misdescribed it as a “Nikon DX” camera. So I bought that. Now I have 3 camera bodies and 3 lenses for a total outlay of about €220. This is getting ridiculous!

To be continued…

Call me back

Automation channels for the guitar part. Level in yellow, complex wah-wah pedal position in orange.

So you spend ages setting up a web hook so that you can receive notifications when something interesting happens at some API provider that you use. But they never seem to call it, and you wonder why. Have you ever considered how this might feel from the web hook’s perspective? Well, that’s what this song is about.

Yes, this is a very silly bit of anthropomorphisation, but whatever, it’s a fun idea and makes for a nice song! Style-wise, there’s a lot of Morcheeba and Zero 7 trip-hop influence in here, but I doubt they would sing quite such a happy-sounding chorus! For their sake, in keeping with the genre, I found some CR-78 drum machine loops, a Wurlitzer electric piano using Logic’s Vintage Electric Piano instrument, a chilled-out wah-wah guitar, a wacky, chaotic texture from the Native Instruments Komplete “25” library, some lovely Logic Studio strings, and Logic’s drummer on a nice natural-sounding kit. I thought that I’d been using Logic’s players a bit too much in my songs lately, mainly because I’m lazy, so in this one I played the (real!) bass guitar part myself, also to prove to myself that I can.

Vocals are by Synthesizer V 2.0, as usual, using Solaria 2, with another Solaria and Mai on backing vocals.

I commissioned Uama on fiverr.com, all the way over in Argentina, to play the guitar part, and he did a great job in creating the chilled, trippy style I was after, though I ended up redoing the wah effect with a ton of automation using the ribbon modulation controller on my Arturia Minilab II keyboard, some of which you can see in the featured image in this post. To give the solo a more spacey feel I used the Cableguys Pancake 2 plugin to pan it around the stereo field.

As in some of my other songs, the lyrics are deliberately ambiguous – if you have no idea what a web hook is, you can be quite comfortable thinking that this song is about a slightly needy person that wants a call back after exchanging contact details, and is a bit unhappy about being ghosted. Those of you who understand what it’s really about might spot a few clues.

The first inkling comes from the “all those clicks, all those emails” that might be required in setting up a web hook. Then “I wanna say that it’s ok in two hundred ways” should cause you to recall that “200 OK” is an expected HTTP response code from a request sent to a web hook (yes it’s likely to be a 204, but 200 will do!). “Write a little message and post it to me”, well this is asking the caller to make an HTTP POST request, obviously! “I need a little token if you wanna know me better”, is not asking for a gift or bribe, but an authentication token, usually an HMAC signature, to prove that the caller is legit. “I want your body, not just what’s in your head”, refers of course (well, apart from the obvious) to the header and body parts of an HTTP request; the former will often contain the aforementioned token. “I’m listening out…” – an HTTP endpoint has to listen for incoming requests. Aside from all that it’s really just complaining that the endpoint that was so carefully set up isn’t being used. That’s a bit sad, so we can feel a little sorry for the poor little web hook, but at least it sounds cheerful and optimistic, and resigned to continuing to wait for something to happen; it is after all its raison d’être.

I have added this track to my “Developer Music” album.

[Verse]
When we first met
we got everything set up
all those clicks
all those emails
so I know you’ve got my number
but you never call me
did I give you the wrong impression
that I wanted to hear from you?
didn’t I make it clear?
that’s why I’m here

[Chorus]
I just want you to
call me back
to know that I’m wanted, so please
call me back
I’m just sitting here waiting for you to
call me back
Please let me know if I’m wasting my time
(call me back)
I’ll be here waiting for you

[Verse]
I wanna say that it’s ok in two hundred ways
Write a little message and post it to me
It might be a rejection; I’d prefer a love letter
but I need a little token if you wanna know me better
I want your body, not just what’s in your head
I’m listening out for every word that you said
I’m try'na keep this uncomplicated
But I'm so lonely without you

[Break/solo]

[Chorus]
I just want you to
call me back
to know that I’m wanted, so please
call me back
I’m just sitting here waiting for you to
call me back
please let me know if I’m wasting my time
(call me back)
I’ll be here waiting for you
call me back
I wanna know that I’m wanted, so please
call me back
I’m just sitting here waiting for you to
call me back
Please let me know if I’m wasting my time
(call me back)
I’ll be here waiting for you

If you like this song, please consider supporting me by buying my albums on Bandcamp, and sharing links to my music on your socials.

I found it on Etsy

Sadly, there’s no great story behind this song. I’d love to be able to say that it’s in reference to some past circumstance recalled with fondness, but it’s just a nice little tongue-in-cheek fiction. But let’s explore the story anyway: a guy has a thing that was obtained from Etsy; he’s not quite sure what it actually is, but ultimately it doesn’t really matter, because it’s main purpose is to remind our protagonist of his (temporarily?) absent love interest.

In case you’re not familiar with Etsy, it’s an online store that aims to be a marketplace for hand-made, home-crafted goods. If you’re into leatherwork, macrame, felt, shoes, vintage clothes, and myriad other things, it’s quite a sweet and lovely place, filled with people carving out their own little niches. Because people are people, some of the things you can find on there are very strange: the belly button cleaners, the potato people, the 8-legged stuffed chicken, the crochet digestive tract, the toesnail, clippy sculptures, and so on. It also suffers from occasional sellers that resell cheap goods obtained from Ali Express, Temu, and other large-scale Chinese commercial sites, which isn’t in keeping with the spirit of the place.

So I was just entertained by the idea of buying something without having any idea what it was. Later I was thinking about why you might keep such a thing, and the romance angle popped up, along with the phrases “I found it on Etsy”, and “it reminds me of you”, and voila – one song idea.

The song is a conventional structure that I’ve used before: cut-back intro, long first verse, short chorus, second verse, chorus, solo, ending, and all wrapped up in just under 3 minutes.

I really liked using UJAM’s virtual guitar instruments on previous songs, so I bought a few more, including Sparkle, a “pop electric guitar”, and it’s exactly what I was looking for — clean, sweet tones, smooth, funky strumming, and a great partner for their Amber acoustic guitar plugin; both are used in this song. Drums and bass are courtesy of Logic’s players, and the vocals are by my go-to plugin, Synthesizer V. I wasn’t sure on the timing for the vocal part, so I sang the tricky parts myself, then got SV to convert them to synthesised versions that I could fine tune.

I left space for a solo, but initially I wasn’t sure what instrument to fill it with. I’ve commissioned various musicians for guitar and harmonica parts before, but I was looking for something a little different. So after singing the song to myself and listening to early mixes, I decided that a trumpet would fit the bill. The style I had in mind for the trumpet part was along the lines of Pet Shop Boys “Go West”, their wonderfully over-the-top 1993 pomp-glam-pop rendition of Village People’s 1979 original, which features fantastic horn section and solo trumpet parts. As usual, Fiverr proved a rich resource, and I found Kelly O, an astonishingly capable Australian trumpet player based in Berlin.

Kelly provided three full-length takes, so I was able to pick the bits I liked (using a Logic take stack) to form a single trumpet part. I then split it up into the verse, chorus, and solo sections so that I could mix them separately. To make it sound more of a section I duplicated a track, and used Logic’s Flex Pitch to turn it into a harmony line for the choruses.

In all this was such fun to make. It’s just a sweet, funny, sentimental pop song with no pretensions. I hope the people at Etsy like it too!

I bought this thing
I don’t remember what it does
Thought it would go with my sofa,
or maybe store my shoes
But it’s kind of cool,
or at least it was
At some point in the last 50 years or so
I wish I could remember what it’s meant for
Should I hang it on my door
or wear it when I climb a tree?
It’s got new-age, vintage, hi-tech, flower-power
authenticity

I found it on Etsy
I can’t remember what it’s for
I found it on Etsy
I think I love it, but I’m not quite sure
I found it on Etsy
I don’t really care what it’s meant to do
I found it on Etsy
‘cause it reminds me of you

It’s fully reclaimed,
recycled but new
Completely authentic,
though I don’t know by who
It’s nothing like the one
on Ali Express
I’m not sure it’s quite my style,
The way that I dress
It’s one of the things that reminds me of you
Ooh, and it smells great at bathtime too
I was happy it was there when I knew I’d be late,
bringing back those memories of our first date

I found it on Etsy
I can’t remember what it’s for
I found it on Etsy
I think I love it, but I’m not quite sure
I found it on Etsy
I don’t care what it’s meant to do
I found it on Etsy
‘cause it reminds me of you
I found it on Etsy
I can’t remember what it’s for
I found it on Etsy
I think I love it, but I’m not quite sure
I found it on Etsy
I don’t care what it’s meant to do
I found it on Etsy
‘cause it reminds me of you

[solo]
I found it on Etsy
I found it
I found it on Etsy
Oh yeah, I found it
I found it on Etsy
I found it on Etsy
I found it on Etsy
and it reminds me of you

If you like this song, please consider supporting me by buying my albums on Bandcamp, and sharing links to my music on your socials.

Sign of affection

A screen shot of UAD's PolyMAX synthesizer plugin

This is not a happy song. I had the initial ideas for it in about 2010, writing the lyrics of the first verse and chorus, and a vague idea of how I wanted the synths to sound in the chorus. I had a few attempts at singing and recording it, but nothing really came out how I wanted it, so I sat on it for 15 years. It’s really the complete antithesis of my recent song Pair Programming, presenting the perspective of someone stuck in a long-term relationship that seems to be slowly fading into indifference, making them feel lost and unwanted. I told you it wasn’t happy!

After discovering the amazing abilities of synthetic vocals a couple of years ago, I set about resurrecting and completing this song. I had always wanted it to have a Depeche Mode “Shake the disease” vibe, with perhaps a bit of Front 242 aggression. I recently got UAD’s PolyMAX synth plugin in a free offer, and it’s a really great synth, much simpler than impOSCar3 that I used in Dancing By Myself, but still sounds fantastic, particularly its unison and per-voice stereo panning features. It provides the primary “Zeow” in the chorus, the jingly verse chords, a pad in the second chorus, and the “jets” noise bursts. I used Logic’s ES2 for the sharp, metallic melody in the verse, Alchemy for the stabs and the awesomely violent bass in the chorus. The bass in the verse is a venerable Korg Wavestation, one of my all-time favourite synths.

Two instances of Logic’s drummer players provided drums using Logic’s Drum Machine Designer instrument and the “Heavy Industry” kit.

It’s harmonically curious. There are only really two chords, B♭ major and B minor, with a little Asus2 at one point; they are all very close together, and not really in any particular key.

The vocals are as usual provided by Synthesizer V. The lead is Noa HEX, and the backing vocals are Solaria II. SV has improved a lot in version 2, but I ended up not really using any automation of voice parameters; per-group voice settings were enough, as the style is pretty consistent all the way through the song. Solaria still sounds great; I particularly like the slow melody on the backing vocals in the second verse, and the somewhat discordant and unexpected harmonies in the second chorus.

The a capella section in the middle provides a dramatic contrast in its isolated vocals and hopeful message. This was quite fun to construct, but it was quite hard to stop the voices sounding a bit artificial, especially the lower one.

I used Logic’s lovely sounding Quantec Room Simulator for the main reverb, lots of bitcrushing and distortion on the “zeow” and chorus bass, sonible smart:EQ4 to handle masking and balance, and Logic’s mastering module placed after an instance of the famous SSL bus compressor.

All in all, I wanted aggression, discordance, and discomfort from this very depressing song, and I think it delivers them quite effectively.

[Verse]
We’ve been together forever, never apart.
But it seems like you’re a long way from my heart.
And though I’m beside you, it’s as if I’m not there.
Wanna feel your arms around me, your hands in my hair.
We’ve made so many memories, right from the start.
Yet now it feels like we’re worlds apart.
Though we walk side by side, I sense a divide.
Need the warmth of your love, you back on my side

[Chorus]
Why aren’t you close when you are near?
Where are the words that I’m longing to hear?
How can I reach you when it’s you I can’t touch?
Is a sign of affection just asking too much?
How can you hide when you’re standing so near?
Is this isolation the thing that I fear?
How can I reach you when it’s you I can’t touch?
Is a sign of affection just asking too much?

[A capella break]
Even as our love descends
I want our fairy tale to have a happy end
Even as our love descends
I want our fairy tale to have a happy end
Even as our love descends
I want our fairy tale to have a happy end
Even as our love descends
I want our fairy tale to have a happy ending

[Verse]
You’re lying beside me when we’re going to sleep
but I wake and you’re gone, leaving cold, empty sheets.
No kisses or hugs, no touch of a hand;
None of this is going the way that I planned.
We used to share dreams, our futures combined
now silence fills the air, and I wonder why.
The laughter we had, the love we once knew,
is fading away and I don’t know what to do.

[Chorus]
So why aren’t you close when you are near?
Where are the words that I’m longing to hear?
How can I reach you when it’s you I can’t touch?
Is a sign of affection just asking too much?
How can you hide when you’re standing so near?
Is this isolation the thing that I fear?
How can I reach you when it’s you I can’t touch?
Is a sign of affection just asking too much?

If you like this song, please consider supporting me by buying my albums on Bandcamp, and sharing links to my music on your socials.